i always come back to elliott smith

like charles bukowski, there is something in the way of elliott smith that makes me feel less lonely.

Elliott Smith – 2:45 a.m.

I’m going out sleepwalking
Where mute memories start talking
The boss that couldn’t help but hurt you
And the pretty thing he made desert you
I’m going out like a baby
A naive unsatisfiable baby
Grabbing onto whatever’s around
For the soaring high or the crushing down
Hidden cracks that don’t show
But that constantly just grow
Looking for the man that attacked me
While everybody was laughing at me
You beat it in me, that part of you
But I’m gonna split us back in two
Tired of living in a cloud
If you’re gonna say shit now you’ll do it out loud
It’s 2:45 in the morning
And I’m putting myself on warning
For waking up in an unknown place
With a recollection you’ve half-erased
Looking for somebody’s arms
To wave away past harm
Walking out on Center Circle
Both of you can just fade to black
Walking out on Center Circle
Been pushed away and I’ll never come back

say you like it say you need it when you don’t

looking better shining brighter than you do

what is there left to do

i look at them and keep on going.  what can i do but keep on going.  not being okay is not an option.

no i’m not installing a nanny cam

I Say it To Everyone and No One at Once

It has now become so
the smell of my self reminds me
of you.

Standing alone downtown
on the parking
garage roof, I gaze
at the buildings tall, luminous
and untouchable, a window
display of jewelry
which I can no longer afford.
I could once – in another lifetime -
but don’t wish for anymore.

My desires are stretched
and skewed.

You tug
and my body answers
in skin
pulled taught to a peak
where you’ve slid the hooks
in. Barbed ends bite
but won’t release the link
of you’ve strung
from your self to me.

I wonder
if you hold it in your hand,
or have attached it likewise
to your self.

In the bath, I wash with water
too hot and baby soap,
feel it slide down my body in foam
as I lean forward,
resting my elbows on the bottom
of the tub between
my legs
and touch my lips
to the water, blowing
a gentle wake, watching my face
reflected in the overflow drain.

if i was your girlfriend…

i have really eclectic music tastes.  i love this song.

not enough

there are the days
you want to die.
we
trade those.

and if i don’t get the things i am after…

best expression ever:  1:25

Three Hours Sleep/That’s a Great Poem, He Said

> i’m so tired.
> and cranky.
> i need love.
> can you put me in a bath and wash me?
> and wash my hair?
> and dry me off?
> and comb my hair out?
> and put a nightie on me?
> and tuck me in bed?
> and hold me in your arms until i fall asleep?
>

How Come Someone Hasn’t Noticed That I’m Dead

The Smiths