Archive for August, 2009

Summer, 1986

Posted in poetry with tags on August 26, 2009 by jeniferwills

The pages of the old Playboy magazines
we had in stacks
in my father’s cluttered garage
were flat, muted moth wings
with wholesome milk ad faces
smiling up at me from their covers
before the days of rampant plastic
surgery; pointy nippled titties
small and high or supple
breasts attached to women arching
their backs, ringless fingers draped
across the delicate curves of their
untucked stomachs.

At age twelve,
I made my living
by selling them to boys
out my parents’
bathroom window;
an underage Playboy drive-
through of sorts.

There were other magazines:
Hustler, Cherry, some nameless
without covers stashed
beneath the bottom drawer
of the bathroom; battered publications
found by accident
when I pulled the drawer
out too far, smashing my toe
as it landed on the floor.
I remember in particular,
one with a brown haired girl
who traded a Tootsie Pop
for the cock
of an old, bald man;
her mouth and eyes
as lifeless
as the blow-up doll
she resembled.

Even at twelve, I knew
better than to sell
those ones
out the window.
But I got five bucks
a copy
for the Playboys.

A Poem I Love: ‘Untitled’ by Nikki Giovanni

Posted in poetry on August 26, 2009 by jeniferwills
there is a hunger
often associated with pain
that you feel
when you look at someone
you used to love and enjoyed
loving and want
to love again
though you know you can’t
that gnaws at you
as steadily as a mosquito
some michigan summer
churning his wings
through your window screen
because the real world
made up of baby clothes
food
lullabies
smiles
hair
ribbons
coffee
books
tears
loneliness
to be washed
to be cooked
to be sung
to be glowed
to be plaited
to be bowed
to be drunk
to be read
to be cried
to be borne
says you are a strong woman
and anyway he never thought you’d really miss him.

Rawr.

Posted in film with tags on August 17, 2009 by jeniferwills

When She Looks at You, You Know She’s Nowhere Near Through

Posted in music on August 15, 2009 by jeniferwills

Svetlana sucks lemons across from me,
and I am progressing abominably.
And I do not know my own way to the sea
but the saltiest sea knows its own way to me.
The city that turns, turns protracted and slow
and I find myself toeing th’embarcadero
and I find myself knowing the things that I knew
which is all that you can know on this side of the blue
And Jamie has eyes black and shiny as boots
and they march at you, two-by-two (re-loo, re-loo)
when she looks at you, you know she’s nowhere near through:
it’s the kindest heart beating this side of the blue.
And the signifieds butt heads with the signifiers,
and we all fall down slack-jawed to marvel at words!
While across the sky sheet the impossible birds,
in a steady, illiterate movement homewards.
And Gabriel stands beneath forest and moon.
See them rattle & boo, see them shake, see them loom.
See him fashion a cap from a page of Camus;
see him navigate deftly this side of the blue.
And the rest of our lives will the moments accrue
when the shape of their goneness will flare up anew.
then we do what we have to do (re-loo, re-loo)
which is all you can do on this side of the blue.

This Song Rocks So Fucking Hard

Posted in music with tags on August 15, 2009 by jeniferwills

Seriously.  Put headphones on and turn it way up.  It does not disappoint.

Hold On to What Matters

Posted in Photos on August 15, 2009 by jeniferwills

Yesterday, before the kids left for their dad’s, we all crowded together to try and get a picture.  This is the result.  me and kids

battle won, hard fought

Posted in poetry on August 14, 2009 by jeniferwills

the mirror reflects

my face, clear eyes and smiling.

precious, happiness

Ho, Calico!

Posted in music on August 14, 2009 by jeniferwills

The meandering progression of this song is so beautiful as to cause tears…

loudly, please

Posted in music on August 14, 2009 by jeniferwills

Milk Crisis

Posted in random with tags on August 14, 2009 by jeniferwills

This morning, after going to bed at like three, I had to get up at seven thirty to get a ride to get my car from the mechanic.  After I came home, I decided to crawl back into bed with the babies and while I was falling asleep, I thought if this segment from Sesame Street.  I remember watching it when I was about Jack and Lola’s age and it used to always make me feel panic, until the baby in the segment gets the bottle.  It’s one of those things you would watch on Sesame Street that I think were designed for your parents to make you sleepy so you would actually take a nap.  Anyway, I watched it with Lola before I made this post and she was equally fascinated: